Growing up in an Italian household, I was pretty much raised to believe my main purpose in life was to make the men around me happy—my dad, my brother, my boyfriends, and later, my husband. Don’t get me wrong, I love my guys and I’m genuinely thankful I learned how to take great care of them. But the truth is, their happiness always came before mine. That idea was so deeply rooted in me, I never even thought to question it.

I didn’t stop to ask myself, “What makes me happy?” It honestly never crossed my mind. I was just going through the motions, living on autopilot. Looking back now, my 37-year-old self wants to yell at my younger self: “Wake up!” I had spent so much of my life doing everything for everyone else—except me.

By the time I had that realization, I’d been married for 11 years, had 3 kids, and was knee-deep into my 30s. It was like I had to completely untangle everything I thought I knew and start fresh. I had to learn how to put myself first—and let me tell you, that felt totally foreign. We’re taught that putting ourselves first is selfish, but that couldn’t be more wrong.

Everything starts with us. When we love ourselves first, we can love others better. When we take care of our own happiness, we actually have more to give. It sounds simple, right? But it’s not. It takes work—and a whole lot of unlearning.

Truth is… Life doesn’t come with a manual—we’re all just figuring it out as we go. The experiences we’ve had, the way we were raised, and the challenges we’ve faced can shape us in ways we don’t always realize. If we’re not mindful, those influences can quietly define us, keeping us stuck in places we don’t want to be. No matter how good or painful our past may have been, we all carry pieces of it with us—baggage we haven’t unpacked yet. And most of the time, we don’t even realize we’re still holding onto it.

But that weight? It’s not ours to carry anymore.